These are the jerks precious angels that plot against me.
Sleep When the Baby Sleeps….
“Sleep when the baby sleeps!” We’ve all heard it. It sounds
like such a good idea. But obviously the person that invented that gem of a
saying never had a baby. Am I right?
My baby doesn’t sleep. I guess we’ve made progress, but he’s
dangerously close to the one year mark and the most I can hope for is 4 hours
in a row, once a night. Other than that it’s every hour, give or take.
He doesn’t nap well, either. The first 6 months of his life
consisted of 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there, a few times a day. The
“experts” say that is a sure sign he is overtired. Well, experts, take cover. I
am squaring up. I have tried everything to get the child to go to sleep and
stay asleep. Believe me, I want him to sleep more than anyone else in the whole
blessed world. What he wants is me to hold him upright and walk around for hours, so he can doze against me and
never commit to a REM cycle. People, it ain’t happenin’.
Here is the scientific law of naps: If your baby falls
asleep and you lay down for a snooze, said baby will wake within 20-30 minutes.
If your baby falls asleep and you decide your families’ need for non-toxic
clothing and dishes is greater than your need for sleep, said baby will give
you a solid 1-2 hours. Babies are jerks like that.
Of course, this is not taking into account older siblin gs
that tamper with infant sleep preferences for sport. Finally got your baby
napping? Sorry, in all that effort time got away from you and in 15 minutes
you’ll need to pack that baby up and head for the carpool line. Baby snoozing
peacefully? Too bad, because big brother decided the hallway where the BEDROOM
DOORS ARE LOCATED would be perfect as
a bowling lane, complete with crashing pins and balls hitting the “bumpers”
(also known as WALLS).
So yeah, sleep when the baby sleeps. You will be +12 minutes
of sleep and -1 shower. You can do the math, but I’ll tell you, it just stinks.
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