marriage advice and the devil created insurance

Frequently at wedding showers and weddings and other matrimonial events there is the "advice for the bride and groom" aspect where you write some words of wisdom for the happy couple. I get a kick out it. We did it at our wedding and we got some real winners. A lot of well wishes and a few hoots. My favorite was a friend's mom who basically said: people say you can't change a man, but if something is very important to you and you try for a few decades, you might make a dent. I still remember that and it still cracks me up!
I always have the same 2 things to say to people getting married. 1: remember who you married and don't expect them to be or do anything differently after you are married. They will grow and change, and so will you, but he's NOT going to suddenly start picking his socks up off the floor. So don't waste your time getting mad about the socks because you knew that would happen going into it. 2: whatever you are arguing about in the beginning of your marriage is the same thing you will argue about forever. Seriously. We really only ever have one argument. The occurrence and intensity of the disagreement waxes and wanes, but it's the same thing. Everyone has their thing they disagree on.
But then we had kids. And there was some variety to the disagreements and an initial large uptick in occurrence**. But that's tapered off. Recently, we had our first "fight" since having kids. A heated debate, if you will. And it was about something new! How exciting! Wait for it.....wait for it......INSURANCE!! Yes, while we agree that the devil created insurance, we disagreed that we disagree about how to go about contesting our many denied claims. Which really, is just proof that the devil created insurance.







**I do not recommend having simultaneous children***, which is any form of multiple children arriving in your family separately, but within a close time frame. In the same way that I do not recommend going surfing if you cannot swim.

***I love my children dearly and I would fight anyone to the death that tried to harm them or separate my family. But if I had known ahead of time what the past 2 years would entail, there's a chance I would have found a very large cliff somewhere in this very flat state.

(Our heated debate is over. We have found common ground.)

Dear Baltimore Public School Board...UPDATED

I was reading through some projects on donorschoose.org when I came across this one by a teacher from Baltimore.
(Great site! You can make a huge difference in a classroom near you, or far from you, if you wish. Teachers create projects that need funding-usually a couple hundred $$ total-and you read through and help fund them. $5 here or there adds up to a lot of students and teachers getting their needs met and wishes granted. Many of the projects are for educational rugs for carpet time in elementary classes, or books for classroom libraries, or specific school supplies, technology such as document cameras or LCD projectors, etc.)
This specific project is for a teacher whose classroom windows are mostly bolted shut, with no A/C. She said her classroom regularly reached 95 degrees or higher in the early fall and again in the spring. And at first I thought I wanted to help fund the project. But then Jerry and I talked about it, talked about all of the things teachers ask for that you'd think the district would provide (you'd be wrong about that), and we had some strong feelings about this project. So we decided to do something. I wrote the following email to the Baltimore Public School Board and the Baltimore Sun newspaper:

Hi, I am a former teacher from Florida. I was looking through some projects to consider funding on donorschoose.org. I came across a teacher at Edmondson high school in Baltimore who had created a project (halfway funded already!) to get fans for her classroom. She explained on her project page that broken windows were commonly bolted shut and there is no air conditioning in the school building. She also stated that her classroom regularly got past the 95 degree mark in early fall and again in the spring. This teacher wants 4 fans to create some air circulation so that her students can concentrate better.
My initial reaction was to help fund the project. But my husband and I got to talking about it, and we are both pretty floored at the situation. Is the school district that broke that they have to bolt windows shut instead of fixing them and/or can't provide adequate fans?

I'm not from Baltimore, but I live in a school district with plenty of problems. I also taught at a school in a low income area for several years, so I'm not phased by many of the seeming necessities that fall by the wayside. But air circulation and indoor school environments such as the one at Edmondson HS seem like one of those necessities that shouldn't be ignored.
I have to think that it's true, seeing as how it's an active project on a pretty well known fundraising website. But I also want to doubt it, because I don't want this to really be happening in any classroom in America.

Here is the project page:
http://www.donorschoose.org/
project/be-a-fan-of-english-class/823734/

Thank you for your time and expertise,

Lisa Watterson

Do I think anything will happen? Probably not. But now I know the people who should be taking care of this actually know about it. And I'm going to keep an eye on Ms. Guldin's project. But wouldn't it be great if the school board actually put in windows that open? A girl can dream...

UPDATE:
I received the following email from the education beat writer at the Baltimore Sun:
Hi:
      I can't say that I know it is true because I haven't been in her classroom, but I do know that there's a well documented crisis in the state of the buildings. The City Council has just passed a bottle tax to try to provide more money for construction and renovation of buildings. The ACLU did a lengthy report on some alternative funding options that could be used to renovate buildings and the school system recently released a report that said about $2 billion is needed to renovate buildings. In Baltimore City and Baltimore County, only about half of schools are air-conditioned.
      Could I excerpt part of your email in a blog post for our blog, Inside Ed?
         Thanks,
                              Liz

I haven't seen anything on the blog Inside Ed. In fact, it appears to have not been updated since March, but perhaps I'm just confused. If I hear anything else, I will I will update this post again. 
I have not heard a peep from the Baltimore Public School Board. Hmmmm.... 

You are not alone- for the kids

A friend of mine was recently consecrated as a deacon and I went to her consecration service. Afterwards I was sort of standing around, only knowing a few people, when I spotted a bulletin board for youth events. This little gem was pinned among some pictures. Maybe I'm just over-sensitive right now because MY BABY IS GOING TO MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!!!!! But I thought it was such a great reminder for the kids and for the rest of us. too. We're not alone.

I think I might print this and tape it inside the cover of Ty's planner. We can all use some extra encouragement sometimes. 

In case you can't read it, it says, "You are not alone. In the midst of school and sports and life just know that a whole team, the tribe called the Trinity, goes with you. You never sit at your school cafeteria table alone. The Father is right across from you to hear your prayers, the Son is at his right hand to defend your soul (from a bully named Satan), and the Holy Spirit is sitting next to you to encourage, coach, and strengthen you. The Trinity is in and around you- you are not alone."

I'm the new Safety Patrol!

Eli was up early one day and I was desperate for a few more winks. So I brought him into my bed. Obviously, he was not going to be sleeping, but he climbed on me, he climbed on Jerry, he played with the remote control, and I closed my eyes for a few minutes. Then he picked up my glasses. And I should have taken them away immediately. But the first thing he did was hold them up to his face, which was so stinkin' cute! The second thing he did was yank the ear piece clear off the frames. Aw, crap. 

I suffered through a couple days with no glasses. I usually wear contacts, but I do use my glasses in the mornings and evenings. I was dreading the whole eye exam, wait 2 weeks for new glasses, $$$ rigmarole. I stopped at the walmart vision center and asked the technician if my glasses could be saved. She took one look at them and said, "Nope. No way." Sigh. Then she said she could possibly find frames to fit the lenses and could pop them in right then. God bless her, she went to the cheapest section of the wall of frames and started trying frames and lenses like puzzle pieces. She picked up one awfully pink pair said she thought they'd work and would they be okay? Well, um, in my head I was thinking that they looked like a 10-year-old girl picked them out, but this woman was going to work a glasses miracle for cheap and my choices were slim, so I quickly agreed. She took them to a back room to apply some heat and stretch the plastic frames around my prescription lenses. She came back with a fully functional pair of pink plastic glasses with butterflies on the ear pieces. And she rang me up for $25. And I was out of walmart in less than 10 minutes. God bless that vision tech lady. 

Now I look like the safety patrol of my house. I'm sure my family would say I'm pretty bossy, so at least I have a reason now. I have to live up to the nature of the glasses-wearing, patrol belt-bearing, know it all, 5th grade girl. Duh.

Some of the things God says about adoption

I read a blog called Momastery.com (it's awesome if you're into loving people and having hope that the world isn't as terrible as rush hour traffic and walmart make you think). The writer there has created a word, "brutiful", for things that are completely brutal and beautiful at the same time. Adoption is brutiful.
It's brutal because there is a mother and (possibly) father who either chose or were forced (by a judge) to no longer be parents. There is a child that has suffered complete separation from his/her mother. It's brutal. Whether it's a mother that decided her baby would be better off with an adoptive family or a mother who neglected her child and therefore her parental rights were removed, adoption is brutal. It hurts. I find it difficult to think of a heart pain more crushing than feeling like your family didn't want you. Regardless of the circumstances, nearly every child who is adopted feels this. As an adoptive family, there's nothing you can do about it.
But adoption is so beautiful, it's almost magical. How do these children capture the hearts of their mothers and fathers, when their mothers have not felt them kicking in the womb and known them from their first breath? How do these children have love and trust for their parents when they have holes in their hearts for their biological parents? How is it possible for children who share no bloodlines with their families, who may be different races than their families, and who may have been adopted closer to adulthood than infancy, to look and act and sound like their parents and brothers and sisters? It happens over time, but it happens. It is such a gift.

Since becoming a mom through adoption, I feel like I have the tiniest little itty-bitty shred of an idea of the way that God loves us. God loves us SO MUCH. I wasn't born into God's family, but he grafted me in (Romans 11:11-22). Just because He loves me. Sometimes, when we're having a particularly bad day at our house, I am so humbled. Because on those days I see that Ty is doubting the love. He doesn't quite believe he is really loved, or really could be loved, or capable of being loved. He can't quite wrap his head around this idea that we will always love him, no matter what, he doesn't have to earn it and he can't do anything to get rid of it. And he rages against us because this love thing is a little too unbelievable. And I do that with God. I doubt that He REALLY has my best interest at heart, or that He's REALLY going to come through on something that I thought He told me, because it's taking longer than I thought and I don't deserve it, so why would He? It turns out, because He loves me. And because He loves you. Just because.

It's really easy to find bible verses pertaining to adoption with a simple internet search. There are tons, but these are the ones I have collected. My favorite is Genesis 33:5. (There is one translation that reads, "These are the children the Lord saw fit to bless me with." Yup.)

Genesis 33:5
5 Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he asked.
Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your servant. ”

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
James 1:27

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.
Psalms 68:5-6

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.
Isaiah 1:17

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
Proverbs 31:8-9

And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.
Matthew 18:5

In you the orphan finds mercy.
Hosea 14:3

Never take advantage of any widow or orphan. If you do and they cry out to me, you can be sure that I will hear their cry.
Exodus 22:22-23

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father."
Romans 8:14-16

But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.
Galatians 4:4-6

You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more.
Psalm 10: 14, 17-18

Why I'm not sad for school to start

1. I am no longer a teacher.
2. Ty needs someONE and someTHING to focus all of his attention and energy on besides me. Seriously. He's an awesome kid. But he also has a lot of stuff inside and when he's not at school all day everyday he unloads it on me. Generally speaking, kids are their worst for their moms. Generally speaking, adopted kids have a lot of confusing feelings about their moms, even when they have a lot of love for their moms. That's a lot of fun. So, it's been 8 weeks of all of this energy and emotion pointed at me, times 2 moves, equals I'm ready for school to start.
I've kept him busy. He's done summer camp, vacation bible school, surf camp, vacation, and football practice. Now it's his birthday month and he's looking at school starting soon and there's a lot of excitement and anxiety. And it's aimed at me. I'll take it, because I love him and that's what I get for being a mom. I'll help him try to deal with his emotions in a healthy way. That's a slow process. But I will be quite a bit less stressed myself when we're a few weeks into the school year and we've all gotten into the swing of things. Oh summer, you are such fun, please don't go, okay see you next year!

Things I have recently made that have gone really well

I have recently made two new food items and a household item that I was pretty pleased with. I got all of the "recipes" from the interweb, but the shared success is a result of reading all of the comments I could find on these recipes, because people often point things out that I am either too stupid or busy to realize OR everyone has the same problem with a recipe and someone comes along and fixes it and I can avoid all the problems by reading the comments.

So, I made Italian Beef sandwiches, laundry soap, and funfetti cookies. In that order. Ty dubbed the sandwiches "better than firehouse or subway" (heck, yeah!) and also requested them for his birthday. When I stupidly questioned if he really wanted the sandwiches instead of the previously requested Little Caesar's pizza, he quickly rescinded. BUT, it was a nice gesture from an almost-teenager.

1. Italian beef. A friend gave me a recipe for these years ago and I made them and they were SO SPICY that Jerry and I couldn't even eat them and I never made them again. I never forgot about them, either, I just needed a bit milder of a recipe. I think I read 900+ versions of italian beef sandwich recipes the week before I made them. Here's my new, less spicy version:
I put a couple of pounds of some kind of beef roast in the crock pot with 1 can of beef broth, 1/2 jar of pepperocini juice and 8 pepperocinis, 1 bottle (or can) of beer, 1 chopped onion, several smashed garlic cloves (maybe 5 or 6), and random italian spices. Let it cook on low all day. Shred with forks. place beef on crusty rolls, with provolone cheese and broil in the oven until cheese melts but not long enough for the bread to burn. Generally this is a couple of minutes, but I'm new to broiling so keep your eye on it. Otherwise your meal with be RUINED! Not really, you can use a bread knife and slice off the layer of over-toasted bread. But it's easier if you pull it out of the oven before that happens.
This is really good with a side of roasted veggies. Look up your own recipe for that. Or share your veggie roasting secrets with me, because mine are just a touch on the soggy side.

2. Laundry soap. I know, I'm not super granola or green or THAT cheap, but I pinned a laundry soap recipe on pinterest and I just had the urge to go for it. So I did.
Here's the link for the recipe I used: http://www.howdoesshe.com/cheaper-and-better-diy-laundry-detergent
Here's what I did:
a box of borax (they only had 1 size box at walmart)
4 lbs baking soda
1 box of arm and hammer super washing soda (it's in the laundry aisle by the borax)
1 container of oxyclean
2 bars of zote soap OR 5-6 bars of fels naptha soap. In the laundry aisle. (If they have the powdered version of the zote soap get it, you will save yourself most of the work of making this stuff)
1-2 bottles of purex crystals or downy unstoppables (just for scent, get what you like. I got 1 bottle and it was fine)
(As noted in the comments on the original recipe) It would be helpful to have a 5 gallon bucket with a tight fitting lid and small children to roll the bucket around. I didn't have the bucket, so I couldn't use the children for rolling.
The only real work involved is grating the bars of soap. I got Ty to do it with me. I grated 5 in the time it took him to grate 1, but that's okay, we were working together to accomplish a goal AND watching the olympics, so win-win.
Anyway, once you grate the soap, mix all the ingredients up in a very large container of some kind. It's pretty dense, so I poured it back and forth between 2 containers several times. or you could try layering and mixing. Or the giant bucket + lid + children method.
It costs about $28 for all the ingredients (minus the bucket and children. Children are expensive and it takes years of raising them before they can help with such tasks, so don't have some just so you can make laundry soap.)
You can use a coffee scoop ($1 at walmart) and measure 1 scoopful for each load. Put it in the drum before you load your clothes. It is allegedly safe for HE washers. As for it's effectivenes? Eh, my clothes seem no cleaner or dirtier than they were with other laundry detergents. I'm trying to figure out if it's having any effect on the colors. Sometimes I think some of my clothes are dingier, but then I realize it's my 11-year-old's socks and those things haven't been white since the day I bought them, sooo.....yeah, it seems to work fine and it does smell good. And I'm just so dang proud of myself for MAKING LAUNDRY SOAP that I'm getting a little giddy about doing the laundry these days. Yeah, that'll last....

3. Funfetti cookies. Alright, why have I never heard of these and why has no one made them for me and why has no one told me about them????? SO EASY!!!!
1 box of funfetti cake mix (or any flavor, really)
2 eggs
1/4-1/3 cup oil
Mix ingredients until moist. Drop by spoonfuls onto a baking sheet. Bake for 10ish minutes at 350*.
In reading comments on versions of this recipe I discovered that pillsbury has apparently reduced the amount of cake mix in a box from 18oz to 15.5oz. You didn't know that doughboy was so stingy, did you? Anyway, it seems that if your cake mix is 18oz you will need 1/3 cup and if it's 15.5oz you will need a little less. Mine was 15.5 and I used about a 1/4 cup of oil and it turned out fine.
The other secret to these things seems to be to let them cool on the pan for about 2 minutes before you transfer them to a cooling rack. They're very soft at first, but give 'em a minute and they'll come off in whole cookies instead of crumbling for smooshing.
Also, I read if you are making chocolate cookies with chocolate cake mix you should add a bit of water.  I'd mix them up first, then add water by the teaspoonful.
You can also add chocolate chips (or any flavor baking chips) or nuts or oatmeal, allegedly.

So there you go, these are the things that went well for me in the past week. If you have any cool things to make, let me know!

I think I'm dying...again...

Forget WebMD. You want to really be convinced you are dying? Watch the news. There have been multiple reports this year on flesh-eating bacteria, something I assumed was reserved for campfire stories and BONES. (I've never watched that show, but it just sounds like something that would be discovered on there.)
It turns out flesh-eating bacteria is EVERYWHERE!!!!!! People are losing life and limb to it at an alarming rate. It's happening, folks.
What I have deduced is that in all the cases, the person one day didn't feel good (that's awfully general) and had a rapidly spreading bruise. Then they went to the hospital and either died or lost multiple limbs. What the what??
So, I keep noticing bruises. On my person. And making mental measurements of them so I will be able to tell if they "rapidly spread". I don't mean to do this, but let's say I'm shaving my legs and I see a bruise that I hadn't noticed before. Suddenly I'm trying to figure out how long it has been there- an hour, a day, two days? Then I have to assess the approximate size- a quarter? No, bigger than a quarter, maybe a half dollar? When was the last time I even saw a half dollar? I can't be sure how big one is...
The thing is, I seem to get a lot of bruises these days. No, not like anemia, more like I moved twice in the last 2 months and I have a toddler that has flailing tantrums sometimes on me multiple times a day.
So I'm pretty sure I have flesh-eating bacteria. Again. I hope it resolves itself. Again. ;)