Today wasn't terrible. A friend came over and we did some organizing in the garage. We could definitely tell the difference when we were done. We made our kids paint a bench to match my kitchen table. The boys got a lesson in painting. The bench looks good!
Jerry had a dinner thing scheduled, so I went with him. When we were getting ready to leave Durham last week I told my parents I didn't want to be the one to take Eli's car seat out of the car. I just wanted it to already be gone. They took care of it. Tonight we had a few extra people in the car for the dinner thing, so I sat behind the driver's seat, where Eli's car seat has lived for the last four years. I didn't die. I kinda wanted to at first.
It's strange to me that I have so little to offer in polite conversation. I'm an extrovert by nature. I can talk to anyone and in front of anyone. But the only topics I have any expertise in at the moment is sickness, death, and funerals. I have plenty of sarcasm and can lighten up these topics significantly, but it's still morbid for polite conversation. I guess I've just been out of the loop for so long, and things that used to come naturally are confusing, I just feel a bit awkward.
I'm glad I went to dinner. It was delicious food and good company. I think I'll mostly stay home tomorrow.
Lisa....You and your family are daily in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteDon't bottle up your thoughts while with others. You are grieving, you need to express yourself amongst friends. They will understand. Your life was turned upside-down. Don't hold back, let it all pour out♡
ReplyDeleteWriting can be very cathartic. Please continue to express yourself. Maybe one day you can turn your thoughts and experiences into a book. Eli's journey and that of his family (have been) and can continue to be an inspiration to others in the toughest of times.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me (I know your mother), but you and your family have been and are in my thoughts and prayers!
My heart breaks for you. Of course you feel a bit awkward. You are re-entering a world that you've been away from for months, and not for happy reasons. Soldiers who come home from a deployment talk about how displaced they feel - I think you are in a similar situation. It will get better. Keep writing. Maybe there is a support group you could meet with in person, too. It will get better.
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