Eli's memorial service

Here are links to the songs we sang and the eulogy I gave at Eli's memorial service.

If I Stand (Jars of Clay)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRcKs-NvxqQ

Be Thou My Vision
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gExjYzULv9I

In Christ Alone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8welVgKX8Qo

I Will Follow (Vertical Church Band)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xh3ZK7JecK0

I'm Still Yours (Kutless)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3fr2Kl4Fcs

It Is Well
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNqo4Un2uZI

Eli

Often when a person dies it is easy to paint them as some sort of saint. I’m here to tell you Eli was the sweetest, brightest, most adorable, unexpected, and ornery gift there ever was. And that’s the truth.

When Jerry and I were expecting Eli, the only name we could agree on was “Eli”. That was it, the only one. We went with the more traditional “Elijah” because we liked the biblical background and the meaning, “The Lord is my God”. I would grow to curse myself for naming him Elijah, because I didn’t always want to remember or acknowledge that the Lord is my God. When Eli first got sick all I really wanted to do was punch that God guy in the face. It’s okay, he can handle it. 

We knew from the time Eli was several months old that something was weird, wrong, off. Eli just wasn’t thriving. So we dug in and worked and worked and got him therapies and tried to make him thrive. We are immensely stubborn people, but Eli’s stubbornness could not be matched, much less surpassed. Nobody puts Eli in a corner.

As he grew in age, Eli reassured us with his zest for life that whatever it was that was going on inside of him, would not stop him. Eli was fearless. He never stopped moving. He climbed everything, learned to swim, played on a soccer league, had proper form when throwing a football or shooting a basketball, all by the time he turned 3.

When Eli got sick last August, as scared as we were, we thought we would finally get some answers on what had been going on in Eli’s body for so long, from seemingly the beginning. But all we really got was more questions. The doctors could tell us that his body was creating antibodies that were attacking his blood cells, but no one could figure out what was causing that to happen. The more tests that were done, the longer the list became of things that it wasn’t. Today all I can tell you is Eli’s immune system functioned similarly to someone with Severe Combined Immune Deficiency, also known as Bubble Boy Disease. The extensive testing for SCID has been done twice and twice has come back negative. So Eli remains as mysterious today as he did throughout his life.

Being born with an undiagnosed immune deficiency never stopped Eli from anything, except maybe sleeping. He was such a precious, unexpected gift. When he came into our family, we were still pretty new at being a family. Frankly, we were concerned with the ways he would rock the not yet steady boat. But really, he brought the four of us together- myself, Jerry, Ty and Eli. These are the words I wrote to Eli on his first birthday:
Dear Eli,
My tiniest little man! One year ago today you made our brand new family of 3 a family of 4. You have bonded us all together in ways we did not expect and we are thankful. Your first year has been a rough one and we are eager to put it behind us. But still, it's hard to see you grow so fast without feeling like I am going to miss something. You are fearless and determined, a combination I'm certain will land us in the ER a time or two, so be careful! I love you more than words. I am blessed beyond measure to get to be your mama. 
Love, Mommy

It’s just like Eli to up the ante. Little did I know how much time I’d spend in the ER...and the hematology/oncology unit…and the bone marrow transplant unit…and the PICU.

When Eli’s immune deficiency manifested itself last year, I became angry, frustrated, stressed out. Time only exacerbated Eli’s symptoms, but as things got harder, by God’s grace alone I started to find my footing. Even though Eli’s body wasn’t functioning correctly, Eli was still his stubborn, tenacious self, maybe even moreso with the introduction of steroids to his life.

Corrie Ten Boom, a survivor of the Holocaust, often quoted her sister Betsie as saying, “There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.” This was true then and it’s true now.

I have to tell you, seeing all of you in your sports team clothing would have made Eli so happy. Especially the part where we made all you Gator fans hide your allegiance. Eli loved all ball sports. Every single one. He loved to play and he loved to watch, and a lot of times he loved to do both. We once had US Open tennis on TV and Eli picked up a wii controller and started playing along with the TV. He loved going to sporting events and as a toddler would pay attention for the entire length of a game.

There are so many things I could tell you about Eli, but the most important is this. Wherever Eli went and wherever his story reached, Eli planted Love. One of his great gifts was that he pulled back the corners of people’s hearts to the possibility of love and faith. If Eli swept out any cobwebs or cracked open a part of you that you had shut a long time ago, please leave it open.

Watching Eli suffer over the last 11 months has been excruciating. We have wished so many times to trade his suffering for ours. And now we have. Eli’s suffering is over, and I’m relieved for him.  Now it’s our turn.

Thank you for loving our baby. Please take all that love out into the world and love big.