Reality of suffering

Eventually someone you absolutely cannot live without will die. And you will keep living. We like to banish the thought from our minds because it is so terrifying. When we see someone suffer the loss of one they cannot live without we say to each other, "I can't imagine!" and "It's so awful, I can't even think about it." And yet it will happen. You will not have to imagine it. You will not have a choice to banish the thought from your head because it will be constant. It will be your life. The knowledge that your person is gone will not leave your mind. I don't forget Eli is dead because there is not a single moment I am not thinking about him. No matter what I'm doing- watching a movie, trying to read, walking the dog, running errands, having a conversation- it is always in addition to thinking about Eli. 

I read something recently, intended for bereaved parents, that said, "We are not here to suffer." As in we are not on earth to suffer. I've been thinking a lot about that. Because I do kind of think we are here to suffer. Suffering is a constant in the lives of humans. Some of it is obviously brought on by our fellow man. Some of it is less clear as to its source. But it is suffering all the same. If you don't have much suffering in your life, congratulations, you win the modern civilization lottery. But just keep living and suffering will come, I promise. 

I was recently accused by someone I'm very close to of "trying to save the world". We were cross with each other so my immediate response was along the lines of, "Somebody has to, we're surrounded by assholes." Not my best moment. But I knew then and I know now I'm not trying to save the world. Some suffering can be put off, but none of it is altogether avoidable. No one can be saved from it. Loving people in their struggles and suffering is maybe the best we can do. We're going to suffer. We're going to face things we think we can't survive. What helps is a hand reaching out to hold onto when you can't see through. It doesn't fix anything, it doesn't make anything better, it just reminds you you're not alone, that someone cares. 

Don't be so afraid of suffering that you can't reach your hand out to someone who needs it.