Coming back atcha

I'm totally wimping out on this one by breezing over family updates and giving you the quickest and yummiest  soup recipe ever. Prepare to be impressed and to impress those you cook for.
But first, fam updates:
All in all, things are good. Ty is being a middle school boy. And if you think that's great, you obviously don't know any middle school boys. ;) I've gotten to know his teachers a bit better recently, but you know, kids....sigh. He's a good kid and he's so fun. I really enjoy getting to just chat with him and hearing how he views things and what is going on in his head. Ty has recently started piano lessons (thanks to a great recommendation from my incredible friend Meghan for a fabulous teacher who COMES TO MY HOUSE(!!) for lessons. Actually, she goes to my parent's house across the street where the piano is and I send Ty across the street. I try to be present, but Eli thinks he should be the one taking lessons, so I usually end up with a screaming toddler in grandma's room or backyard. It's okay, nothing's perfect.). Ty loves piano lessons so far (and he's picking it up fast!). I know this will wane, but honestly? I just wanted to expose him to music. He doesn't have to do it forever. I had wanted music lessons for him from the start, but it hadn't worked out so far and I was trying not to feel too much mommy guilt from COMPLETELY FAILING IN THIS AREA. But thanks to Meghan, Ty has piano lessons, and I feel like a winner! :)
Eli is Eli. He turned 2 a few weeks ago and we had a Little Einsteins party where Eli ATE CAKE. It's true. He's incredibly finicky. I told Ty today, "Well, they don't call it the delightful twos." haha. He's been sick and I'm getting a little sick of it. The constant holding, the constant whining, the sleeping (or not sleeping) in my bed. I know he doesn't feel good, but a human being can only take so much. This time around I've dealt with my own emotions and frustrations better than I ever have, but can I just vacuum or do the dishes? It's all piling up. Even in his crabbiness, Eli is a joy and is absolutely hilarious. He has been exploding with new words. And a southern accent. Which is funny, because none of us have real southern accents. When Eli says "Tyrell" it sounds more like "Tai-rail". Yesterday he told me "I so firsty" (thirsty). We have a toddler basketball hoop in the family room that both boys love playing with. Ty always calls out the name of an NBA player before he shoots, so now Eli does too. He yells "Bron James" (LeBron James) or "Koby" (Kobe Bryant) as he's throwing the ball and it's the cutest thing in the history of ever.

Well now that you sat through all that, here is the super fast and delicious soup recipe!

1/2 lb italian sausage, casings removed
32 oz chicken broth, additional water, if needed
1/3 cup sliced mushrooms
1/2 package of frozen tortellini
6-9oz of spinach leaves
salt/pepper or my favorite, nature's seasons (it's a spice blend that I pretty much use for everything)

brown the sausage. pour the broth in a large pot. add the browned sausage. add the frozen tortellini, bring to a boil. add the mushrooms. add some seasoning. boil for about 3-5 minutes. add the spinach leaves. As soon as they wilt, grab a ladle and some bowls and serve up some grub.

Reset

I love you, Lord

and I lift my voice

to worship you.

Oh , my soul, rejoice!

Take joy, my King,

in what you hear.

May it be a sweet, sweet sound

in your ear.

I've known that song as long as I can remember. It's always been centering for me. Sort of resets me. Like fresh air. 

I've been singing it to Eli pretty much from the beginning. Well, I've been humming it to him. A few months ago I decided maybe I should sing the words, because at some point he'd learn it after hearing it every night before falling asleep. So I started singing. Sometimes he sings along now, in his sleepy, sing-songy voice. My heart gets extra squeezy on those nights.

We're in a good sleep phase at this very moment in time. I acknowledge that it could change at any moment. 

But there was a very. long. time. that I was so desperate for sleep I would cry at least every other time E woke up in the night. So I would hum this song to him, hoping it would help him relax and feel comforted enough to drift off. I don't know if it ever did that, but it helped me relax and feel comforted. It reminded me who I belong to and the importance of the work I do.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.
Colossians 3:23

It doesn't matter what kind of a day it's been. It doesn't matter how many hours I've slept (nor not slept). It's best not to keep track of that. It doesn't matter how many tantrums I've endured, what I've cleaned out of where (best not to keep track of that, either), whether or not I've bathed myself or any children, or any other myriad ways I can fail or feel discouraged. 

The work I do matters because I do it for the Lord. I am in the spot where He has placed me. 

The diapers, the driving to and from school, the coaxing into the carseat, the reading the same book 15 times in a row, the "watch me make a basket", the listening, the not snapping (or trying really really hard and still snapping anyway), it all matters, even when it feels insignificant in the moment. 

And if at the end of the day I get a single minute with a calmed toddler snuggling into my neck, and I remember that my whole life is an act of worship, and that this moment, the snuggling and the singing, is an act of worship, then time stops just briefly. I am brought back to center. I am reset. 

And I am ready for more.

Students sponsored for school

Matthew 22:36-40

36 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

37Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’38This is the first and greatest commandment.39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” 

A few months ago I helped a friend who is a missionary in Guatemala organize an education sponsorship project. I was just the person on the ground in the states keeping things (semi) organized. Really, we're just 2 moms that don't like to see kids out of school. Especially for reasons such as the family not having money for uniforms (required for public school in Guatemala), or the family needing the child to work to help put food on the table (that is just a crapfest every way you look at it). Don't get me started about how kids need to learn to read because READING IS EVERYTHING, because I will not come back from that tangent. :)
Anyway, there was an overwhelming response from people to love these kids and provide educational opportunities. So all of them were sponsored! Some were even sponsored for private schools (which are way less expensive than here in the states, and also at times necessary because public schools in Guat do not have any kind of programs for kids with special needs. And surprise....there are kids with special needs all over the world.).
Because I'm awesome at technology, here is the link to Holly's blog where she posted the wrap up video with the good news that a bunch of kids are going to school! It's a really great 2 minute video where you get to see some of the kids and a bit of their stories. God is so awesome!

Click here for the education project video!

Mom Guilt

For the past 3 weeks I've been in poker dealer school. It's 4 hours a day for 6 weeks, so not super intensive, except for the parts of my brain that do things like math. I'm actually really enjoying it. Except for the part where I'm away from my kids for 6 hours a day. 

Namely, this kid:

The big one I still get to drop off and pick up from school everyday, so I just miss him like I always do when he goes to school. But I'm not used to being away from my littlest little. It's not ALL bad, but it's not great.

Basically, all the time that I had to do things with him is gone. Now as soon as I get home, I throw little man in the carseat, we go pick up big brother, go home and have dinner, and then brother has some sort of evening event- basketball game, practice, or church stuff, always lasting well after E's bedtime. Sometimes I can get a grandparent or babysitter to put E to bed and sit at the house until I get home, but sometimes little man is just up until 9. When I have someone else put E to bed I feel even more guilty about not being there. Even with my "1 sport rule" I still feel like we're constantly on the move. (1 sport rule is just that- my kid will participate in exactly one sport at a time. He's got church stuff and from time to time we have family therapy, so I'm not carting him to extra practices and games every night of the week. I LOVE team sports for him, he loves team sports, I just don't believe in overprogramming my 12 year old.)

I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I know I have it so good. It's just been so different these past few weeks, that the Mommy Guilt has been relentless. 

Ty and I usually get some time together at least a few days a week after E goes to bed. But E? He gets almost no time right now. He's not happy about it and neither am I. (He's so unhappy that he's been up frequently every night and the solution is mommy's bed. But that's a different post entirely....)

So after telling the Mommy Guilt to take a hike, I carved out some time to just hang out with my kids and let them do their thing. These days, their thing is playing outside. E runs around with a flat basketball and occasionally throws it at me. We watch the airplanes that take off and land from the small airport nearby. Ty plays with the neighbor kids in the circle. I sit on the curb, breathe fresh air, and take it all in- instead of standing in my kitchen cooking dinner. It's really rather glorious. 

I have been feeding my kids dinner, I've just been simplifying it. They're totally willing to eat things like sandwiches for dinner if it means they get to play outside for an hour. 

Didn't quite make it! 

Pictures arrived!

Every good and perfect gift comes from above...James 1:17

Wouldn't you know that 3 business days after I faxed our adoption paperwork to Ty's old school, his ORIGINAL SCHOOL PICTURE CARD ARRIVED IN THE MAIL?????

Cindy, you have made my year. Thank you.

Here's my baby in kindergarten! Isn't he just the CUTEST???????

The best part? Ty was over the moon to see his school pictures. He just held the page and stared at it for a solid 20 minutes. Oh my heart. 

Kids who are adopted, especially at an older age, often struggle with their identity. Their roots can feel shallow. Even with memories of their biological family, they're not sure who they were. They often do not feel connected. 

Think about this. Most people in our culture roll their eyes and groan when their parents tell embarrassing stories of their childhood or pull out old photo albums. But think about the flip side. What if you never heard those stories, never saw those pictures? Ever? That would leave a lot of questions as to where you came from and who you are. It's grounding to know that any family gathering things could get mighty embarrassing, mighty quick.

So when my not so little boy got his hands on old pictures of himself, he got to feel his roots grow deeper. 

It makes my heart get all squeezy. 

Priceless pictures

This is our very first family picture, taken after first meeting Tyrell and spending about an hour with him.

This is where our story as a family begins. We each have a prologue, Jerry and I, and Tyrell. But this is when our settings met and our stories became one story together.

Tyrell was 9 when we met. Which means he had 9 years of life and struggles before I got to hug him, kiss him, laugh at his jokes, hang his masterpieces on the fridge, and tuck him in bed each night.

It is an assumption that whatever documentation you are given prior to adoption (various court documents, behavioral profiles, occasional medical charts, etc.) is all you will ever get about your child. I felt blessed that we got Tyrell's medical charts from when he was born, so I can tell you how many weeks gestation he was, and what his height, weight, and time of birth were. :) I was able to use that information to make a birth announcement to frame and hang on the wall. Because wouldn't I do that for any child of mine? YES I WOULD, WITH PLEASURE!

There are some things that you just have to grieve and move on from when you adopt. I wasn't there when Ty was born. I didn't count his toes, or cry out of desperation when he screamed for hours due to colick (I'm assuming...). I wasn't there for his first words, or his first haircut, or his first day of school. And I have the lack of pictures to prove that I obviously was not there. I don't even know if anyone took pictures or if anybody even cared. I will probably never know. And that hurts. So does knowing what I do know of those first 9 years.

Buuuuuut....did you know that public schools keep a picture card in a student's cumulative folder? Did you know that children start kindergarten at age 5, which is 4 years before Tyrell was mine?

Each year one original wallet sized picture is added to their picture card, showing what they looked like each year of school. When/if a students transfers from their original school district, the cumulative folder is photocopied in its entirety and the copies are sent to the new school in the district the child now attends. And being that Tyrell attended the school I taught at during his first year in our school district, I HAVE SEEN THE KINDERGARTEN TYRELL! Yes, it's true. And he was even more adorable than you are imagining.

When I had access to his cumulative folder, a) things were incredibly rough and we were working on surviving, b) of course I totally cried when I saw his photocopied school pictures, and c) I called and asked a teacher at his previous school to sneak me the original picture card. But that teacher never actually did retrieve the picture card. You know, people get busy and things fell by the wayside. The picture card was the thing that fell by the wayside. Life keeps moving along.

For the last 2 years I've been wishing I had Ty's early school photos. I also have no contacts at the previous school/district because people have moved on. And I've been a little busy, to say the least.

But yesterday? I don't know what welled up inside of me, but I decided to GET. THOSE. PICTURES! So I called the old school in the old district, pleaded my case, was transferred a few times, and finally ended up being told that the policy was the picture card remained intact with the original cumulative folder until after such time that the student graduates from high school, at which time it is destroyed. Maybe I could leave my name and address and they could put a note to send it to me. In 2019. Say whaaaat??? I had been very nice and respectful until that point. And then I went for the jugular: "Ma'am, all I want are some pictures of my son. My pictures start at age 9. What if you had no pictures of your child for the first 9 years of their life?" She took my name and number and told me she'd call the downtown office to see what could be done. :)

Today I had a voicemail from the woman I spoke to yesterday. She said she had talked to the chief of data entry/control (or something like that) and neither of them could come up with a reason that I couldn't have the original picture card. (!!!!!)

Breathe in, breathe out.

I don't know whether to laugh/cry/holler/wail/dance or sit contently breathing, feeling grace fill me up.

I didn't get any lost time back. But it kinda feels like I did.

I am calling this lady first thing in the morning, and then I'm going to buy one of those school days picture frames, with a spot for a picture from kindergarten-12th grade.

Words, words, words!

Eli is talking SO MUCH! He's really come out of his "sensory fog" as the therapists/specialists call it. He has Sensory Processing Disorder, which is a neurological disorder, affecting the way he experiences the world. All of us take in sensory messages and our brains process and organize them and then we know what is going on around us. Eli doesn't appear to do that very effectively, so he is often overwhelmed by his senses. He has the hardest time with touch (including things touching his mouth and throat, i.e.- feeding trouble!), but he also gets overwhelmed with sound, and he craves vestibular input, which is where his body is, spatially. The good news is that we discovered this early and like many diagnoses, early intervention is everything.
Anyway, Eli was in what they call a "sensory fog" where he was so inundated by sensory messages he wasn't able to continue learning things at his natural rate. But he has absolutely exploded with words in the last few weeks. Today he said 2 sentences: "I love grapes" and "I pooped". I was so proud! :)
One of his grandmas taught him that Santa Claus says "Ho ho ho!" It's adorable. We've been working on "What does Jesus say?" (answer: I love you) WELLLLL, we're not there yet. If you ask E what Jesus says he will either tell you "Ho ho ho!" or "Amen". It is equally adorable, although incorrect.